Just Another Cold December Day
by KaoticKisses
Summary: Written 12/09/00 This is actually more fact than fiction unfortunately


Today had been her 24th birthday. Twenty-four fricken years on this planet, and what did she have to show for it?? Not much, she said to herself. Sure she had her health and a few people who really cared about her as she did about them, but something was still missing. She wished she had someone to go out and celebrate with. Getting drunk sounded like a good idea, but she didn't like doing it alone. Dammit, birthdays were supposed to be fun. Birthdays were supposed to be a time to celebrate life. Not hers though. Hell, not even her best friend had remembered, and those who did remember, were to far away to make a difference.   
  
Damn, did she ever feel lonely! For the past couple of years, her birthday had made her feel that way. It looked like it was going to become an unfortunate tradition. Her grandma was the only one who had sent her a present. The twenty dollars was welcome, but it ended up going towards laundry and groceries. She hadn't been able to buy the TLC video she had wanted to buy for months now. Jeff Hardy was on that video, and was the main reason she wanted that video in the first place. Thinking of Jeff made her wonder what he was doing at the moment. Was he out clubbing with Matt? Or maybe he too, was alone somewhere, wishing he had someone to be with? The thought made her feel even lonelier. What she wouldn't give to be with him right now.   
  
It is amazing how one can feel lonely even when surrounded by others. Her roommate, who also happened to be one of her best friends, was too busy on the computer to bother with her. She recalled how she had baked him a special cake last year for his birthday. Why couldn't he have done the same for her?? Sure he had promised to take her out to dinner next weekend, but she wasn't going to hold him to it. She knew it had been a lame attempt at trying to make her feel better, but it was a little too late for that.   
  
The kids had been content watching cartoons, and in a way, were also too busy to bother with her. Earlier, they had sung happy birthday to her, which promptly made her cry. The last time anyone had sang happy birthday to her was when she had turned twenty-one. She had only been with her boyfriend for a couple of weeks, but he had given her a beautiful necklace. She still had that necklace, but no boyfriend.  
  
  
Jeff would make a great boyfriend, she thought to herself. He was everything she could ever want in a man. Of course, he was not hers to have, but there had to be someone else like him out there in the world for her, didn't there? In Jeff, she knew she would at least find a great friend, someone who would understand her loneliness. So what if they had never met?? Her instincts told her he would care. She had always felt this special connection to Jeff through his poetry. That connection was always there whenever she read it.   
  
Desperate for something to do, she asked her roommate to play some cards. He said he was talking to some friends from an old chat room he hadn't talked to in awhile. While she should be used to him putting her last, she thought that since it WAS her birthday after all, that maybe he would put her first. She was the one who helped him out with his two kids, not those never present people from a chat room!! She was the one who took care of him when he was sick. She was the one who offered him support, the one who gave him a hug when he needed one. Not them. Her feelings were extremely hurt, she thought she meant more than that. She didn't tell him how she felt. Instead she went to her room and drowned her sorrows in Pearl Jam. Something in Eddie Vedder's tormented voice made her feel better, if only for a little while.   
  
Jeff would never take her for granted, this she knew to be true. She wondered if Beth knew how lucky she was to have him in her life. As it was, she herself felt very lucky to have Jeff in hers, albeit in a different way. She appreciated what Jeff did for a living, and she wished she could somehow convey those feelings to him.   
  
See this is what always happened when she had too much time to think. Her thoughts bounced around in her head like a ball in a pinball machine. And nine times out of ten, her thoughts always ended with Jeff. The fact that she and Jeff were so close in age, yet lived such different lives never failed to blow her mind. Where had she gone wrong?? When had she taken a wrong turn on the path of life?? It amazed her to think that while she was sixteen and trying to overcome her fear of driving, Jeff had already been wrestling for the WWF! It amazed her that at the age of nine, she had been living a carefree life full of normal childhood happenings, while Jeff had been dealing with the death of his mother. That was something she couldn't imagine having to deal with, not even now.   
  
Damn, she needed to stop feeling sorry for herself. Crying wasn't going to make anything better, was it? Still the tears continued to fall down her cheeks. She stared out the window at the bleakness that was winter. Darkness had fallen hours ago, and soon her birthday would be over. Not that it mattered. Today had been nothing more than just another cold December day. 


End file.
